If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize