Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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