all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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