just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize