When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
