We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
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