So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
