I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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