adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
