69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just forgot I was standing up.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
