3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
