Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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