ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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