i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
