Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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