What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
