Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
