I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize