I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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