I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
