your parents love me but you hate me
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
