Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
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