Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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