Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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