i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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