Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
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