I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
