we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
