Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
