im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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