i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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