no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
