I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
