you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
