There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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