I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
40s are totally the cure
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
