im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
