So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
