Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Girls should come with a carfax report
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
