just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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