we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
