so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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