yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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