just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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