I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Randomize