I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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