Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
