WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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