I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
