if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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