i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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