You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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