i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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