That's intense
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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