Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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