I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
