addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
