Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just invented taco cereal.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
