its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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