So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
