I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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