i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
