you guys were way drunker than both of me
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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